Lameazoid.com Rotating Header Image

Video Games

Review – Transformers the Game (PC)

I’ve been a bit behind here on my Transformers themed gaming here.  I have yet to really get into any of the latest 3D incarnations of Transformers video games until recently.  i figure the best thing to do would be to start at the beginning.  Unfortunately, Transformers (Armada) isn’t available on the PC so I’m going for the game based on the first movie game.  Keep in mind also, while I played the PC version, I’m pretty sure it’s essentially the same as the console versions for PS2, Xbox360, and PS3.  It’s probably marginally different than the DS version however.

This is a game with a bit of extremes going for it.  I’ll start with the good extremes because, generally good = boring.  The graphics are pretty swank.  Everything looks really nice, there’s a ton of great particle effects and every character looks pretty much the way they should.  As a bonus, the numerous cut scenes, as corny as they may be, are well animated and fluid as well.  The action and Transformation gimmick is used fairly effectively as well, though more so for land based vehicles (more on this in a bit).  My only complaint with the transformation gimmick is the “button” for how to do it is not in the controls options, which mean I had to putz with things until I figured it out (it’s mouse wheel up).

Speaking of controls, let’s move on the the extreme of bad.  The controls are mostly decent, except for the flying sequences.  Controlling Megatron wasn’t so bad but Blackout and Starscream have extreme issues with the up and down precision.  It’s possible this was just my machine or something but it makes flying anywhere almost impossible.  Thankfully it’s never ever necessary.  Even the mission  where you have to shoot down 20 jets can be done by standing on the ground shooting rockets at them as they very slowly fly by.

Assuming you can lock on to them.  The next major gripe I have with this game is the incessant military/police.  You see, due to the nature of the film, creating things to fight and DO on missions was a bit tricky.  Each side has like half a dozen main characters to choose from for creating storylines and missions.  This leaves the pool of things to shoot at extremely small.  This is “fixed” through two methods.  Each faction gets a whole mess of Drones that show up in mass from time to time.  Also there is an almost constant stream of military or police forces.  This means you’ll constantly be chased by police cars and constantly being assaulted by Ospreys and Blackout style helicopters.  The human attackers generally do little damage and mostly serve as an annoying nuisance than anything.

The drones help give a more formidable set of opponents but they aren’t without their issues either.  They come in a variety of sizes and flavors however both the Decepticons and Autobots use the exact same drones.  Also, each type has some gimmick to defeat it, two of which are extremely annoying.  The two largest types require you to throw some sort of vehicle at them to remove their defenses.  There isn’t any way around this and finding a vehicle can often be tricky.  Once you find a vehicle getting it to connect just right among the mess of police/military and everything else going on can be tricky as well.  To make things more tedious you will have to hit them 3-4 times each.  If you try to straight attack or get to close they will fling you halfway across the battle area.

Which brings up another bit of annoyance, almost every encounter has a completely arbitrary “Action Zone”.  Leaving this circle for more than about 20 seconds means instant mission failure.

The hero characters all show up of course.  Through the course of the Decepticon missions you fight Bumblebee, Jazz, Ironhide and Optimus each to their destruction, which makes a nice twist on the plot of the film.  Ironhide however is probably the most annoying boss battle ever as it involves a lot of drones, a lot of “kill stuff then fight the boss”, all while doing a lot of “stay away from the boss between rounds or he’ll fling you across the map”.  I could understand this more if you fought Ironhide as say, barricade or Scorponok but you fight as Blackout, whom is considerably larger than everyone.

The Autobots of course showdown against the Decepticons with one major twist. Shockwave shows up as a boss. He’s even a triple changer transforming from a stationary gun turret, to robot to a helicopter similar to Blackout. This is somewhat odd for several reasons. First is that no other major characters were added. Sure we have the “drones” but they are all clearly called drones implying they are nobodies. Secondly, shockwave has never gotten a movie based toy. Even the drones are all based on toy designs, Swindle, LIST DRONE TOYS. Thirdly, Shockwave is rumored to be a major player in the third Transformers film. Will his design have any relation to the one presented here. Technically the game isn’t really cannon in anyway, but it is something to question.

There is one character conspicuously absent from the game. Ratchet is not a playable character nor do you ever fight him. He makes a few short appearances in some of the CG cinematics but he doesn’t ever appear in game. Bonecrusher shows up in an NPC role during one of Starscreams missions and Brawl is fought during the Autobot quest though you never get to play as either of them. This is actually somewhat disappointing as I was hoping to play as Bonecrusher. His articulated claw could have added some interesting dynamics to the gameplay. Also Brawl is extremely small compared to his movie counterpart.

Brawl was the tank, referred to as Devastator in the first movie. He’s correctly called Brawl in the game but in the movie he was several stories tall and it took a great deal of effort by almost everyone to take him down. In the game he’s the same size as Ironhide, who turns into a larger pick up truck.

The missions themselves are decent though fairly standard for an action style game.  The Decepticon missions are probably the better set if only because the Decepticons are more varied than the Autobots and the Decepticon missions come off as less hypocritical. By Hypocritical I mean, the Autobots get penalized for “Destruction” while at the same time you have missions like “Drive around as Jazz blowing up gas stations to distract the police”.

Overall, this is an OK game, though not spectacular.  The real issues ironically come from the more “Game” like elements.

NOTE: It’s almost inconsequential but I just wanted to note that while playing this game I took screen shots of my OWN all the way through of lots of great stuff using a program to do so only to find out the program had not saved ANY of them.  So I’ve had to resort to picking up a bunch of random shots from around the web.

Review – The Inlaws (PC)

Released: 01.21.2010 |  Golem Labs

I’m labeling this, Episode 1 because when this game was made, there was an idea for an Episode 2.  There doesn’t seem to have ever been an Episode 2 produced however.  Kind of a shame since this game isn’t completely terrible and it’s relatively short.  It’s not a spectacular game either though and has a few game breaking bugs in it so it may be a goo thing there isn’t an Episode 2.

This game takes the idea of Episodic gaming and combines it with the idea of Episodic Television, specifically, episodic cartoon television.  Not so much Bugs Bunny, more, Oblongs or Family Guy, though the humor isn’t really quite up to the level of Family Guy.  It’s not without it’s humorous oh brother moments though.  The basic premise is that you play as Ed, a large goofball father of two and your goal is this Item Gathering adventure is to sabotage your Nephew Inlaw’s birthday party.  Not so much because Ed dislike’s his nephew but more because he dislikes his Inlaws in general….. or something….

It’s not really a point and click adventure since the mouse does no more than control the camera as you navigate around the house and backyard setting of the story.  It still has the same sort of gameplay as a point and click adventure however.  Essentially, you gather items which can be combined and used with other items to cause often comical results.  You have two main goals, sabotage the entertainment at the party and sabotage the presents.  You have to complete the presents mission before you sabotage the entertainment and completing the second objective will end the game.  The whole process takes about a half hour to an hour depending on how great you are at solving Adventure Game logic.  There’s a help system if you get stuck but the game tends to be really obvious about what to do next and you’ll forfeit your points if you use the help system.

It took me a bit longer to complete the game however because, while the game is really good about giving clues as to where to go next, it also has several game crippling bugs.  Firstly, the game crashed completely at least 3 times.  One of these times I was getting ready to quit out anyway so it wasn’t a huge deal and the other I was using the print screen key to capture a screenshot to an external program I use so that may have been related.

Also on two occurrences, the audio failed to play.  Overall the voice work is great for the game, everyone sounds good and the voices all fit the characters.  But when a character is explaining what to do and you can’t hear them then you’re kind of screwed.  I only managed to figure out where to look because I talked to the character a second time and they repeated a condensed version of what they had previously said.

Even worse is the third bug.  Right near the end of the game, I needed to create a distraction so the Sister InLaw would leave the kitchen.  After wandering around and talking to everyone one repeatedly and trying to use everything I had on everyone.  I finally gave up and quit.  When i returned to the game later, I found that Ed’s son, whom I had sent off later with a bottle rocket was sitting in the middle of the yard where he hadn’t been before.  I actually suspected something like this would happen since I had used the help system and the star locator appeared off the map and the Son was nowhere to be found anywhere in the house.

It kind of sucks that these issues had to crop up considering the presentation here is really nice.  The game’s 3D cartoony graphics are top notch as is the voice work.  The idea of a sitcom style episodic game is interesting as well, though the release schedule probably could stand to be ramped up a bit to take advantage of the idea a bit better.  There is promise on Golem Labs’ website of a second Episode set on a beach with some screen shots though nothing listed about a release date or if it’s even being worked on.

I’m going to end here with one last bit of a downer.  the Retail on this normally is $9.99, which is pretty steam considering how short it is.  I got it on sale for $2.50 though $4.99 would probably be an ok price if there were more episodes to go for and some of the bugs were addressed.

Review – Dance Dance Revolution (PC)

Dance Dance Revolution PC Site Banner

Dance Dance Revolution
PC (Konami)

2 Players

Here’s a little artifact that is probably fairly obscure. There was an official DDR game released for PC a while back. Except it was an exclusive product for a chain of stores not in my area (Fry’s) and to an online store I never shop at (outpost.com). And at only $10 it’s certainly cheaper than the Playstation alternatives. On the other hand it has to compete with free programs such as Stepmania. So how well does this game step up to the challenge? Not very well I’m afraid.

I guess I’ll get the positive aspects out of the way first this time, there’s really only one. The backgrounds are nice. The chance to play this game with moving animated backgrounds and the 3D dancers is a nice change of pace from the static images of Stepmania. However there isn’t really too much variety in the background movies. There are a ton of characters to chose from though. The game includes I believe 16 characters to start with, plus 8 to unlock, and another 24 that can be downloaded. That’s a lot of dancers. Once again, on the down side, the 3D models used are getting pretty dated and don’t look like they’ve been updated since they were first introduced to the series. Also there was supposed to be a 35th downloadable character but I don’t know where it would fit in the list unless there are only 7 unlockables.

Now the bad. This game is buggy as all hell. It’s a very poor port of who knows what. Other than the bugs the game reeks of laziness in general. For example, the song selection screen just breaks the songs into “Group 1”, “Group 2”, etc; No fancy classifications like in Konamix. Also all of the songs are available from the start, instead you unlock new dancers. It took me no time at all to complete all the songs on Heavy with a B or better. Yeah, only B. This game also uses the old style of scoring, anything less than a Full Combo will get you a B. Now this wouldn’t be too bad if it wasn’t for the numerous game freezes.

I have a pretty good machine, it runs 3D games and software very well, it runs Stepmania beautifully, but this game runs like shit on it. I don’t think I ever have a song where at one point the arrows just stop moving while the song continues. Sometimes I can keep the rhythm pretty well and keep things up but in a game completely dependant on timing and non-freezing gameplay, this is pretty inexcusable. Also I’ve found the first time I load the game each play, the first song will have no music. The whole game is about the music here people, this is a pretty important issue. Also timing in general is pretty flaky. Songs that I easily AA in Stepmania, (My Summer Love, Era) I can’t even A on this game.

Something else of note, the steps for End of the Century on Heavy are off. Like 3 or 4 beats off, it’s REALLY noticible and I’ve tried the song several times on different days so it wasn’t just a fluke or anything. Many of the other bugs seem like they may have been repairable had the game instealled the music to the Hard Drive instead of reading it from the CD (like it seems to do), but these completely wrong steps are just ridiculous. I guess compleyel wrong steps is too strong, they are there, just off their mark. Did anyone play test this at all?

There is also a noticeable lack of features, and songs. This game has 40 songs (see below), most pretty unremarkable bottom of the barrel stuff. Also there isn’t too much in the way of modifiers, only Little, Turn, and Hidden.

Anyway, in conclusion, even if you really want to show your support to Konami by buying this game, don’t. Don’t support this buggy shit software, if you want an official DDR pick up DDR Max on PS2, no PS2? Try Konamix on PS1, the frame rates suck but it’s still decent. If you can’t afford the Playstation versions and still want a home DDR experience just download Stepmania and get all the free songs you want. Just please don’t support this buggy horrible piece of software.

Song List:

  • Midnite Blaze
  • Share My Love
  • Let the beat hit em!
  • MY SUMMER LOVE
  • MAKE IT BETTER SO-REAL MIX
  • MAKE A JAM!,
  • B4U
  • BABY BABY
  • GIMME YOUR LOVE
  • Don’t Stop! AMD 2nd MIX
  • Era Nostalmix
  • Make Your Move,
  • Orion.78 Ameuro-MIX
  • WILD RUSH
  • CELEBRATE NITE
  • HIGHER
  • CUTIE CHASER,
  • Groove,
  • DEAD END
  • END OF THE CENTURY
  • Silent Hill
  • AFRONOVA
  • PARANOiA KCET Clean mix
  • KEEP ON MOVIN’
  • LOVE THIS FEELIN’
  • LET THEM MOVE
  • TRIP MACHINE
  • AM-3P
  • BRILLIANT2U Orchestra-Groove
  • PUT YOUR FAITH IN ME
  • PUT YOUR FAITH IN ME Jazzy Groove
  • MAKE IT BETTER
  • La Senorita
  • PARANOiA
  • DYNAMITE RAVE,
  • BRLLIANT2U
  • I Was The One
  • Never let you down
  • Get me in your sight AMD CANCUN MIX
  • STILL IN MY HEART
  • Remember You

Review – Back to the Future (NES)

Ok, let’s cut to the chase, this game sucks.

I have long pushed this game as the worst game I have ever played, though I’m not so sure about that anymore.  Back to the Future is was a pretty bad ass awesome film, even back when it was new when this game came out.  You’d think that some of that would translate to the game on SOME level but it didn’t.  It’s essentially a bastardized version of Skate Or Die that has almost zero to do with Back to the Future.

So admittedly, the expectations of what makes a video game was somewhat different back in the days of the NES.  There weren’t highly detailed cinematics and for the most part, gameplay was pretty straight forward and unvarying for most games once it got rolling.  The whole idea of the stages mixed with mini games presented here is actually pretty dynamic and an interesting idea.  If only it didn’t feel so divided from the plot of the movie it’s based on.

Marty traverse across Hill Valley battling foes straight out of the film such as giant killer bees, and guys with panes of glass and armies of bullies.  He fends them off with his trusty bowling ball.  I’m not sure there were ever any bowling balls in any of the movies even as background items.  But then yeah, it’s an 80s video games, so some liberties with the plot are probably needed.  There really isn’t a genre of game that would really work for a Back to the Future Game.  Most people just want to drive the Delorean, which these days is best accomplished with a GTA Mod.

The real killer on this game, has to be the excruciating difficulty.  A lot of old school NES games are pretty difficult.  Blaster Master, Ninja Gaiden, these are all pretty tough games which require some skill to beat.  Completed Back to the Future takes a miracle.  The first issue is the dual timers.  Each stage has a timer, this isn’t too bad, it keeps the player from lollygagging through the stage and encourages being reactive.  The game also has a second timer in the form of the fading photograph.  The photograph lasts between stages but is refilled by these little clocks.  The issue is that these two mechanisms often work completely against each other.  Picking up enough clocks to keep the photo alive will often result in the stage timer running out.

There is also the whole deal of powering up to the Skateboard.  Marty starts out on foot but can pick up a much faster skateboard.  Losing the board is pretty much a guaranteed loss vs the timer.

If you can manage to keep your skateboard and beat the timer, you get to face off against some ridiculously tough mini game “boss” stages.  Throwing beers at bullies or catching kisses and musical notes.

The icing on the cake in this excruciating run is the music.  The exact same 30 second crap repeats endlessly from more or less the moment you turn on the console to the moment the game ends.  It’s like Chinese Water torture for video games. 

The whole package is just one big terrible mess.  Probably the only reason I played it as much as I had was that at the time I owned something like 5 NES titles.  It’s a pretty crappy game, but it’s still one I remember very well for this very reason.

Review – Eufloria (PC)

Most real time strategy games involve military conflict of some sort.  It’s part of the genre really, one military force against another, at war, requiring the player to take strategic command.  Eufloria does an interesting job of almost breaking this mold.  Technically it’s still centering around a conflict, though instead of tanks and soldiers you fight with plant seeds. 

The conflict is certainly more peaceful when it involves plants.  The light graphics and airy music and sound effects make this a fairly relaxing and serine experience to play. 

The object is to control a region of planetoids before the opponent destroys your forces.  In order to control a planet you will have to sacrifice some of your seedlings to plant new trees, the trees will in turn spawn more seedlings over time.  Most of the trees will anyway, there are also defensive trees which will instead provide protection from enemy forces.  The planets themselves have different energy levels as well and will spawn faster or stronger seedlings depending on the planet’s attributes.

In the early stages it is fairly easy but over time the enemy colonies become more aggressive and will have better defenses.  The real key to combat is advantages in numbers, which means owning more planets.  Unfortunately, this is where the game play starts to fall apart.  Later stages become quickly and easily overwhelming, especially as the enemy starts deploying the large flower pods which can easily wipe out even a large army of seedlings with little to no effort.  Much of the play time involved is essentially just sitting and waiting for more seedlings to spawn.  When one of the notes in the update is “Updated the gameplay to be faster-paced and more interesting, with more strategic balance” you’ve got issues.  Thankfully they put some effort into correcting it.  Even so there is a LOT of “sit and wait” gameplay here, especially when you start facing defensive trees which will require large numbers of seed pods to overcome them.

Another minor issues I’ve had, the game doesn’t seem to always record progress made properly.  This admittedly may have been an error on my part though it was a bit frustrating when I found I had to replay the first ten or so levels after I’d already completed them.

Generally the game is a fun departure from the traditional strategy game.  The design is simple though definitely more complex than it seems on the surface.  It is hindered somewhat buy it’s slowish pacing but it’s still a pretty enjoyable experience.  My recommendation however would still be to look for it on some sort of sale as the base price of $15 is a little high for what you get