Reviews

Review – Transformers – Energon – Alpha Q

Every once in a while we get a Transformer’s toy that doesn’t actually Transform into anything. Alpha Quintesson (Alpha Q) is one such Transformer. We first met the Quintessons back in Transformers the Movie. They led a pack of hungry Sharkticons and liked to toss random bots into pits of doom. As it turns out the Quintessons were more intertwined with the history and origin of the Transformers race then was originally believed.

Of course those Quints also looked like Eggs and had 5 faces (of darkness!). This is Energon. I couldn’t tell you what alpha Q’s role is in Energon since the show is abysmally unwatchable. That doesn’t mean it can’t have halfway decent toys. This Quintesson is quite a bit different from it’s ancestors, though it still shares some traits. Instead of just being a ball with faces plastered to it, this Quint is a sort of giant Snake robot with a face inside the mouth. Which brings us to the first gimmick. When a button on the back of the neck is pressed, the face spins to a different one. There are three available faces to choose from.

There is one other primary gimmick to this toy besides the face spinning. The toy includes three rubber bendy tentacles. The bendyness is great and they hold a verity of positions. Also wheels on the bottom of the base cause the tentacles to twirl menacingly as you roll Alpha Q around. One tentacle features a small yellow pincer, the second features some sort of purple blob, possibly wires or electricity, and the third tentacle features a red chainsaw. The chainsaw arm is great for dispatching the many tree based transformers alpha Q may encounter 9see Botanica).

Other gimmicks include a head mounted missile launcher and ports for at least 9 Energon chips. Alpha Q has articulation at the jaws, universal shoulders, hinged and balled elbows (4 arms), and a hinge at the top of his neck. The articulation isn’t huge but it’s substantial enough for the character design.

Though cool, this figure isn’t without it’ flaws. The waist joint could use a little more range of motion, particularly in the forward direction. It also would be nice if the snake mouth could fold up out of the way a bit more. The face can barely be seen back up in there. I can’t say I really care muck for the spinning tentacles gimmick either. It can be hard to pose the tentacles just right (due to their tentacle nature) and then a slight bump of the wheels could throw everything all right off.

Then there is the part where Alpha Q doesn’t transform. He’s not supposed to, but if you’re looking for a Transformer, don’t bother with Alpha Q. For the most part otherwise, it’s a decent action figure, though one that’s probably not for everyone.

Review – Anime – Gunsmith Cats and Riding Bean

Feb 19th, 2004

by Ramen Junkie.

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Riding Bean and Gunsmith Cats Double Feature Site Banner

These two are actually more or less the same series. Rally Vincent appears in both as more or less the same character (they look different), and Bean Bandit appears in the Gunsmith Cats comic. Also they are done by the same creator (Kenishi Sonoda). The point is they really fit together. Like Apples and… slightly… differet…Apples.

So the plot goes like this, there are bad guys, usually criminals of some sort with drugs or some shit, and the bad guys are chased down by vigilantes. Lots of Car chasing and shooting later, the bad guys die. Hard. With a VENGANCE. The heroes of Riding bean are Rally Vincent and Bean Bandit, while the heroes of Gunsmith Cats are Rally Vincent and Minnie May Hopkins. I guess somewhere along the way someone decided that a huge bad ass in a bullet proof leather jacket and headband was a little too fluffy kiddie or some shit so when they moved to GSC they changed him into a chick who looks 10 and throws grenades. You know, because taking a bullet to the head then continuing to beat the shit out of people isn’t “tough enough”.

Which of these two series is better is hard to judge really. While Gunsmith cats is much higher quality with a better plot, Bean has a lot more straight out action in it. Also Gunsmith Cats has an excellent comic available to continue the story (put out by Dark Horse), while I’m not sure if Bean has a comic or if he does, if it’s even available anywhere. I personally prefer the darker Indian descent GSC Rally to the White Blonde Rally in Riding Bean. She just seems a bit cooler all around.

Gunsmith Cats follows Rally and May as they hunt down an arms dealer then stumble on a plot masterminded by a government official. Also they have a few run-ins with a lethal Russian Assassin. That’s the Movie version. The Comic is much more drawn out and in fact doesn’t feature that storyline at all, though there are a few references thrown into the movie if you know what to look for (here is a hint, the weapons Washington tries to sell Rally were used by two of the main villains in the Comic Bonnie (the leg), and Gray (the arm)).

Riding Bean follows Bean and Rally as they are hired to hint down and rescue the daughter of the Mayor (or some important rich guy, it’s been a while). Anyway eventually after a lengthy car chase and a frame up Bean ends up beating the shit out of the main villain in a parking garage. did I mention Bean is one tough bad ass guy? This is a guy who wears a bullet proof BANDANA after all. I mean anyone can do the jacket or vest.

Something else worth mentioning is Rally’s car in Gunsmith Cats. It also appears in Riding Bean driven by the lead cop. Before Nick Cage made the ’67 GT-500 popular by trashing Miami, Rally was doing almost the same thing to Chicago with a REAL ’67 GT-500 (the Gi60s one is closer to a ’68 in design and look not to mention it wasn’t even a GT-500 at all in the original Gi60s). Anyway, it’s one fine car, but almost pales in comparison to Bean’s vehicle. In the movie (and later GSC comics), Bean drives the Roadbuster. I don’t think it’s a real car but I’d say it’s loosely based on a Viper. IT’s got enough gadgets and tricks built in to make James Bond jizz his pants. Cars in general are a large part of the series. That and guns, and accuracy on both counts. In the Gunsmith Cats comic you’ll occasionally just get a page or two discussing the finer points of whatever fire arm or vehicle is being shown off at the time.

Anyway, go check these out! I command it! Or NOT, it’s up to you.

Review – Deus Ex (PC)

Aug 1st, 2002

by Ramen Junkie.

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There was a short period in gaming time not too long ago where many hyped up games we released all around the same period of time. These include games like Oni, Deus Ex, and Shenmue, to name a few. These games all have one thing in common. All had mediocre everything with one amazing shinny new gimmick. In the end you get a game that more or less sucks except you still feel the need to play it because of this one gimmick. Oni had it’s whole weapons and hand to hand combat thing, Shenmue had it’s whole free range suckage going on, and Deus Ex is sort of a FPS RPG hybrid.

I’ll admit, I didn’t really play this game the “correct way”. I cheated right out at the start and beefed up my player to the max after failing the Liberty Island mission 20 or 30 times in a row. By “Liberty Island mission” I mean killing more than 5 guys and making it past the first 2 or 3 enclosed areas. That said, it also means I got to play a game that was nothing but pure game play, a game that consisted of everything else besides Deus Ex’s one gimmick, the experience level up system. Frankly after playing through without it I sure as hell don’t want to play through with it.

Even as an invincible combat god the game started to DRAG immensely by about halfway through. The plot in this bitch just goes on and on and on and on and on. By the end you won’t know what the hell is going on because the plot also changes completely every five minutes or so. It’s unfortunate that Tracer Tong’s ending was the worst one since he was the only person I could remember out of the supporting cast. After New York you think you’re done but no! On to Hong Kong. Then it’s back to New York, then to some gas station in the middle of nowhere. Then some undersea lab. Eventually you end up god knows where fighting some guy in a bubble. Whoop de shit. That is what I get after all that playing?

Really the plot isn’t the only thing that I didn’t like. Honestly the character models left something to be desired as well. Every person has the same weird bulgy stretchy look to them. Also the enemy AI was pretty weak to. Not really weak in that is was easy to beat, just weak in that it seemed like it was a computer AI and not a person trying to kill me. It was not good like say, Half Life. Though it was also not as shitty as say, Shogo. Shogo being the only game I can think of where a boss killed HIMSELF through no act of my own. I just stood there just after encountering him as he blew himself away.

Anyway, Deus Ex 2 is in the works, let’s hope they can put an understandable plot in this time. The graphics I’ve seen seem pretty improved, so that is one flaw down at least. Anyway, I literally had to force myself to finish this beast just so I could uninstall without ever feeling the guilty need to install it again.

Review – Movie – The Powerpuff Girls Movie

Jul 13th, 2002

by Ramen Junkie.

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I had planned to see this movie opening day for the sake of whatever but for some intelligent reason the local theaters decided no one wanted to see it after 5 PM so I was stuck working while it was actually playing. It turns out they were probably doing the right thing since there were only like a dozen people in the theater when I finally say it the Saturday after opening weekend. Then again maybe people just don’t go see fucking movies at noon.

That aside, I’m sort of really mixed on this movie. On one hand I liked a lot of the little subtle points of the script. On the other hand I more or less predicted the entire movie from the previews. Let’s see looks like an origin flick, looks like a game of tag, so the professor creates the PPG, then they go on a crazy game of tag after trying to go to school, then everyone seems to hate them, then Mojo Jojo does something evil involving clones, and the PPG save the day. That was my prediction based on previews. If you have seen the movie this prediction won’t be a spoiler at all. If you have not seen the movie then well, it’s just a prediction, maybe it’s not true!

Another thing I liked a lot was the dialogue. It seemed pretty well thought out in several places. Sure it had some one liners but even they didn’t come off as blatant rip-offs really. Also I rather liked the music. Basically it was different variations on the overall PPG theme but it just seemed to fit well overall.

So what is there to not like. This movie seemed to DRAG ON FOREVER. Clocking at a whopping 80 minutes (give or take), this is not actually a long movie. But when you take a concept based on ten minute shorts, then stretch it to fill 80 minutes it just makes for a LOT of filler. The Tag game seemed to never end. The long sequence of villains introducing themselves also seemed excessive. I guess the Powerpuff Girls formula just doesn’t work over a long period of time. Another point I didn’t really like were the few times where flashing strobe lights were used. If you or your kid is prone to epileptic seizures DON’T GO SEE THIS MOVIE. Or just don’t watch when Mojo starts doing crazy shit.

Overall I was really looking forward to this movie. In the end while I enjoyed many parts immensely, the excessive repetition left me with an overall hollow movie going experience. Maybe I was expecting too much or something. It does end up being more of the fast paced brutal ass kicking we are used to in the Powerpuff Girls shows by the end though, so hey, I’m all for excessive pointless violence.

Review – The SIMS (PC)

Mar 29th, 2002

by Ramen Junkie.

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Maxis

Some games you just love to hate. Or maybe it’s the other way around, you hate to love them. Then there are those you love and those you hate completely. I’m thinking The SIMS is just one I hate really, but I REALLY want to love it. This game is really easy to compare to Diablo 2. Both have similar play perspectives. Both have similar gameplay mechanics really. Both are games I really enjoy when I first start playing them but hate absolutely after about a week. Finally both are games I keep coming back to.

To keep in the comparison of Diablo 2, the gameplay consists pretty much of clicking on a thousand things for hours on end. Unlike Diablo 2, the things you click on aren’t little imp things of one color or another. Instead you get to control a person as this person lives their daily life. That’s pretty much it, I honestly don’t know how or why this game ever became so popular really. I mean an in game day typically consist of waking your Sim up, having the Sim cook himself breakfast, take a shit, take a shower, watch for an hour go to work, come home from work, cook supper, watch more TV, shit again, then sleep. Its like having some sort of clingy pet really. The Sims can’t function in anyway on their own. As an experiment I once let “Bob Newbie” run on his own for about an hour. I came back and found he had been fired from work and had been doing nothing but stand around in his kitchen crying because he was depressed and lonely. It should be noted the kitchen was soaked in urine and covered in dirty dishes. It seems that instead of keeping up his hygiene and going to work, poor Bob Newbie had decided to instead sit around all day burning all his money on potato chips. A similar result occurred with the Goth family, their child ended up getting shipped off to military school.

Now what is entertaining about this game? I’ll have to guess it’s the social system really. When your Sim isn’t bitching about being hungry again because he just spent an hour on the toilet you can interact with other Sims in the neighborhood. If you’re lucky you could even make your Sim become married to one of them. Then you get the fun task or trying to juggle two people’s lives at once. Just some advice, unless you plan on cheating, don’t even think of trying to juggle 8 people (the maximum for one family) at once. If you’re lucky you’ll get two satisfied ones, another who has been cleaning everything for all eternity and the rest will just party 24/7.

Anyway, about the time you’ve been playing for about two week’s you’ve got maybe 2 regular normal families going, and another couple party families that you’ve cheated on and given them all the riches they will ever need. There is a good chance you’ll need a new way to entertain yourself. Then you’ll come to the “Mass Murderer Simulator” part of the game. First select a kind of creepy looking guy and build him a nice little place to live, then befriend everyone you can. Then one by one court and marry all the other Sims in the neighbor hood. At the same time, as you grow tired of the earlier partners, build them into doorless rooms and wait about an in game week or two. Or maybe you’d like to let them take a swim, then remove the exit ladder for the pool. A person permanently swimming in the pool would make a nice art-deco life sculpture for the front yard. Then there is always death by fire. Make sure you don’t have any cooking skill or a fire alarm then start grillin’ burgers till the flames start roarin’.

Now that your fantastic and beautiful homes are all vacant, take a moment and reflect back on all the time you’ve spent doing the same things YOU do every day only for some computer simulated version of yourself. Now realize how much of a waste this game really is, especially since Maxis didn’t take into account the full potential of killing off the Sims. I mean come on, where is my torture rack? Or maybe a guillotine. Maybe the fight sequences could break into a Capcom fighter where you battle to the death with supernatural fireballs and such.

On one final note, I’ll say that I really like the customizability in this game. You can find new models and skins for all sorts of objects and characters. You can put shortcuts to MP3s in the music directory and get custom radio stations. You can build the characters and homes anyway you want. That’s probably the best part of the game really. Seeing what sort of crazy combinations you can come up with.