So hey, let’s talk Transformers for a bit.  Hey wait, just because you don’t care about the toys doesn’t mean that the punchline here isn’t a rather hilarious double troll job by Hasbro of it’s own fabase.

Let’s start with a little history.  Back in the original 1980s series and toyline, there were 6 main "Seekers" on the Decepticon team.  These were the jets that did a lot of the grunt work for Megatron.  Initially there were three F-15s, Starscream, Skywarp, and Thundercracker and later they added 3 Coneheads with slight variations of the mold, Thrust, Ramjet, and Dirge.  Of all of the original characters, all 6 of these characters probably fall into the category of say, top 10-15 most well known Decepticons.

Several years ago, Hasbro put out the "Classics" line.  A short lived subline to fill space that consisted of updated versions of favorite "Generation 1" characters.  Characters like Optimus Prime, Megatron, Starscream and Bumblebee, all in  versions most reminiscent of their original incarnations, none of this Firetruck Prime or Batmobile Megatron junk.  Over the course of the line consisting of two "waves" and a handful of exclusives, we got Starscream, Ramjet, and Skywarp.  They never released the other three Seekers to retail citing I believe that "We don’t want to reuse a mold more than 3 times because it doesn’t sell well".

Let’s nevermind for a minute the 40 different mold reuses the Movie lines have had for the Bumblebee mold.  Let’s Nevermind that a few years later we’d get two more uses of this mold in the form of a slightly recolored Starscream and the no name F-15 Acid Storm.  Let’s never mind that unlike 3 repaints of the same character we usually get that these were all individual characters with distinct personalities.  But hey, there was hope that maybe in the future we’d get the rest of the Seekers when Hasbro forgot about their bull shit excuse or someone picked them up as an exclusive set.

Well, someone did pick them up as an exclusive set.

So 3 years ago, in 2007, there was the Botcon Exclusive set, Games of Deception, which included the 3 remaining Seekers along side some throwaway nobodies no one cares about.  This was basically the ultimate fuck you to the middle ground fans like myself who can’t afford to spend 400 dollars to go to Botcon and get the exclusive set.  I should add that the $400 price mentioned doesn’t include the cost for travel, hotel, meals, any other spending money for the dealer room.  That cost is more or less the admission fee to get in the door and get the exclusive set.

The Seekers commanded a massive resell price on eBay fro years, some sets selling for several times their initial cost.  Individually they tend to run 150-200 dollars each.  The overall complaint here stems from Botcon’s previous track record of exclusive.  For the most part, they stuck to obscure third rate characters that only the truly hardcore fans cared about.  Some villain who was big in the comics.  characters who were previously big in Europe.  Hypothetical What if Characters like the Evil Optimus Prime we got in 2008.  The worst they had done in the past was the 2006 set where they released all of the Beast Wars characters in their "Pre Earth" forms.  The only real complaint here was that it was such a well done set overall and the cast of Beast Wars is well liked.

The only glimmer of hope for people hoping to complete their Six Seeker set was to import the Japanese releases of these molds.  This would still run you $50 a pop but it was a much better proposition than the Botcon set.  Unfortunately it also meant dealing with the Japanese’s obsession with Chromed up toys.

Well, it would seem that now, in 2010, Hasbro has gotten tired of laughing at the "Casual Collector" group that comes between Hardcore fans with money to burn and the Kids who will but anything with Bumblebee on it.  Now they are shifting their laughing towards the Hardcore fools.  They are releasing, finally, Thrust and Dirge to retail stores.  In fact, Thrust is slowly trickling into a Toys R Us near you as I write this.  Dirge comes later, but he’s been announced.  Thundercracker almost seems inevitable.  Sure,the Botcon set still has it’s exclusivity and they are slightly different molds but the casual collector like myself will never have to worry about paying 150 dollars for a 10 dollar toy again.

Scented dog crap bags again. Watching USA vs. Ghana, and the USA losing. Totally deflated like a bunch of flaccid penii. Then talking about sports in the worst episode of the worst podcast ever. Then it stopped being a circlejerk with a fourth person in there. Then talked more about sports, peppered with stuff about the G20 protest in Toronto. Disconnected a few times due to Adam Curry’s internet goons. We all know it’s those guys. In any other language, it’d be pronounced Gehr-mans. JAWOHL MEIN HERR. Weeaboo? Wapanese? Japanabees? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Listen:

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In more E3 News, Nintendo takes the stage today to promote it’s big new offering, the 3DS.  Get it?  It’s a DS, with 3D capability!  Unlike Microsoft’s lame EyeToy knockoff, this is actually a product I can get behind.  If anything, the price will likely be fairly reasonable for what you get and my current First Generation DS is starting to show it’s age considerably.

There’s also the part where I’ve stuck almost exclusively to the DS and PC for my gaming needs for the last 3-4 years now.

Sure, like the Kinect, the 3DS is saddled with what is essentially a lame gimmick, but it’s an OPTIONAL lame gimmick.  You can turn the 3D off!  Also, unlike the complete and utter idiocy that are 3D TVs and 3D movies, the 3DS doesn’t require any sort of lame goggles.  It works using two super imposed screens, which is actually what I figured it would do when I first heard about it.  But hey, it’s also optional, so if you don’t care, just turn it off!

Also, keeping with a tradition Nintendo has been excellent at on it’s portable console lines, it’s compatible with the previous generation’s games.  Even if I were to buy one of these to replace my DS, I don’t even have to care about any 3D titles ever if I don’t want to.  I will anyway of course because frankly, Nintendo has sprung back from the Gamecube Lull and put themselves back on top for solid, fun, exclusive titles.  Everything good the X-Box has going for it comes out in superior form on the PC anyway and the PS3 has uh…. Metal Gear Solid 4?

Wow, doesn’t that look fun?  By fun of course I mean, lame?  This is coming from someone who really loves DDR, IE a game that involves moving your feet fast and looking dumb.  I suppose the difference is that I’m past the thresh hold of DDR between “looking stupid” and “looking like someone who spends too much time looking stupid”.

The better comparison here is the Wii of course.  The Wii is a great family console!  I get my 5 family members together all the time to play Wii.  Well, I did, a few times, and we haven’t played in any group form for like a year or more probably.  And mostly we played Bowling because there isn’t really room in the family room for 4 people to play Tennis at once and golf and baseball are kind of boring.

I actually really like the Wii though.  There’s one crucial difference of course.  The Wii games I own and play, New Super Mario Brothers Wii, Mario Kart, Super Smash Brothers, several Virtual Console titles (mostly centered around Mario), all allow me to play using the Wiimote and Nunchuck or the Gamecube controller.  That is to say, I sit on the couch or in the chair, not jumping around or waving a Wiimote like a goon, playing video games like I always have.  Kinect doesn’t have this option.  It has no controllers.

Pretty much the only benefit I see here is that you won’t have to shell out 40-60 dollars a pop for a second or third damn controller like the current set of systems.

Hey, remember that thing for the Playstation 2 called the EyeToy?  You could use it to control your PS2 by waving your hands around like an idiot.  No?  Didn’t think so.  You remember the Wii?  That Must have console from Nintendo that totally crushed the competition by letting you pretend to Bowl by waving a wand around?  Remember how that motion gimmick was HUGE for like a year then no one gave a crap anymore?

Meet Kinect

This is essentially Microsoft’s answer to the Virtual Boy, and the Power Glove and ROB the robot all wrapped into one!  Basically, it’s the solution for that which isn’t really lasting or desired.  Let’s look at a list of upcoming games for Kinect.

"•Kinectimals lets you train and play with 20 different virtual cats, including a lion, cheetah and tiger.

My kids love those animal games for the DS.  I imagine this will be sort of like that.  The problem is that in my mind, the 360 is not much of a Kids Gaming system.  Also, call me evil, but I don’t care to be spending tons of money on something my kids will use for a week and get bored of in the first place.  They barely play the Wii as it is.

•Joyride, a racing game, lets players use their hands to hold an imaginary steering wheel — pull your hands toward you and push back out for an acceleration boost — and their bodies to execute jumps and tricks.

You know what I hated about Mario Kart Wii?  The lame Steering wheel.  It doesn’t give any real tactile feedback like real driving and it’s not strapped down to anything like a real wheel.  So how could this be fixed?  Let’s remove the wheel and just put our hands out and pretend we’re holding a wheel.

YAY!

•Kinect Sports has six activities including boxing, bowling, beach volleyball, track and field, soccer and table tennis. To serve a volleyball, you mimic the real motion; in soccer, you can kick the ball or do a header.

So like Wii Sports only there isn’t even a fake Wiimote to simulate the object you’re holding.  Pretty much the same issue as the race wheel.  The boxing could get interesting when people start actually duking it out with each other in a drunken rage.

•Kinect Adventures includes a river-raft time trial and obstacle course, playable by up to four players. On the raft, playing as a duo, you and a partner must lean one way or another to steer. Jumping helps the raft reach special areas for extra points.

Did I mention before the word “gimmick”?  I mean hey, if you want to get together with your friends, stand in a line and look stupid, you don’t need to shell out hundreds of dollars to do it.

•Dance Central, in development by MTV Games, brings a So You Think You Can Dance experience home.

All I have to say is Para Para.

•Star Wars characters and iconic Disney favorites will be featured in separate new games being developed at Microsoft in conjunction with LucasArts and Disney."

This statement is so generic that it’s like telling people “EA will be making sports games for the system.

And there we have the future to look forward to in Video games.  It’s no wonder my interest in consoles in general has pretty much gone poof turning things fully back to PC and Retro interests.

There is much enthusiasm around the internet about the upcoming Transformers War for Cybertron game being released.  As hard as I try, I just can’t share in this excitement.  I’m blaming the excitement of others on the otherwise complete lack of Transformers material currently otherwise available.  The problem with the Movies is that they aren’t very good and they come as a two hour experience then that’s it.  This is completely opposite of a Cartoon Series experience where there could be 2-3 or more seasons of 12-24 episodes.  Basically, new content being pushed to fans over the course of a couple of years.

The video game unfortunately falls into the same vein as the movie.  It’ll be flashy and new for maybe a week then what?  We all get to wait for Transformers: Prime to come out.

Maybe.

I only say Maybe because Transformers: Prime is going to be on Hasbro’s new channel, so there isn’t any guarantee that your cable provider will carry it.  At least by now Cartoon Network is more or less everywhere, if they’d have stuck with CN you’re pretty much guaranteed to get the show.

Back to the game however.  I imagine it’ll have even less sustaining power than the movie.  Hasbro seems dedicated to giving us some toys out of it but it’s almost as if they are falling prey to the same issue the fans have.  There just isn’t anything else to produce toys of.  There are only so many Mudflap Repaints the toy market can handle.

It also won’t help that the game will suck.  Yeah, it’s lame to proclaim suckage before something is even released but let’s just point out that there has never been a really good Transformers game ever.  In fact there’s barely been any that fall under the category of “decent”.  For the most part Transformers games sit proudly in that range between “Mediocre” and “Kind of Crummy”.

I blame the lack of true cannon fodder.  Transformers games are more or less required to be Action Games.  Action Games require repetitious mindless drones to be destroyed in mass.  The previous games have all created drones to fight but the idea of drones just doesn’t sit well in the world of Transformers.  Why would some robots be full of personality and have names while there are hundreds of others with the name “Decepticon Fighter Drone” who do nothing but run to their deaths wielding crappy weapons.  Sure, we can’t all be Optimus Prime but we can at least warrant say, a Ramjet or a Grapple.

It’s comes off as if humans had perfected cloning and used that power to make a pack of slaves to do all of the heavy lifting for society.  These slaves don’t get names or have rights to anything.  Meanwhile there’s like 100 or so actual people who make a difference in the world and have control of everything.  Hey look, Cybertron is a Socialist society!