Final Fantasy 7: Strip Club
By Ramen Junkie

"I'm going out, this room is fucking boring as hell," said Cid standing by 
the door to his and Vincent's room in the Gold Saucer hotel.

"As you wish, I will remain here," replied Vincent.  He was removing a fake 
mummy from a prop coffin in the corner.  "I shall be sleeping in here if you 
need me."

"Uh.. right..."  Cid opened the door and walked out.  He was in the middle 
of the greatest theme park in the world, well actually it was the only theme 
park in the world.  Either way he wasn't about to spend his night locked in 
a room with Vincent.  As he walked by the room where Yuffie and Red were 
staying he heard some rather odd conversation from within.

"Come here my big hairy beast, let me show you the ways of.. the ninja," 
said a female voice.

"Yes my ninja queen, please don't be too rough on me," said a male voice.

"How strange, must be the fucking TV or something," muttered Cid to himself 
as he continued on.  He stopped in the bar downstairs and picked up a bottle 
to keep him company on his trip, then left for the exit tubes.  The whole 
hotel was made up to look like a haunted house.  The exits to the other 
attractions were all decorated like Tombstones.  He was about to head to the 
Chocobo race track for a little gambling when he noticed a smaller tombstone 
hidden among the fake weeds.  It read "Erotic House" on it's face.

"Hmm I wonder where this one leads," asked Cid to no one in particular, he 
the pressed on the headstone and was wisked off to his destination.  He 
arrived on the other end in a rather dark room lit with neon lights.  There 
were doors lining the hall and a rather scantily clad woman standing behind 
a desk at the entrance.

"Is this what I fucking think it is?" asked Cid.

"I'm sure it is big boy, now shall I show you to a room?" replied the woman.

"Sure, I could use a break from all this save the world nonsense."  Cid 
followed the woman down the hall to one of the rooms, where she promptly 
unlocked the door and let him in. The room was rather strangely decorated, 
it almost looked like some sort of church.  Cid wandered around a bit 
looking over the decorations when there was a knock on the door at the far 
end of the room signaling it was time.  HE walked over and opened the door 
to see what kind of lady he had gotten.  He was shocked to see a familiar 
face.

"FUCK!  IT's you!  I always knew you were a fucking whore!  This proves it!"

"C..Cid?!" stammered Aeris.  "No!"  Aeris quickly turned and ran off down 
the back corridor.

"Fuck, wait till I tell the others, this will prove it once and for all!" 
Cid turned and ran out of the room.  He returned to the transport area and 
headed back to the the hotel. However outside the hotel he tripped on a fake 
weed and knocked his head.  He quickly lost consciousness.

*	*	*

Cid woke up to see his friends all gathered over him.

"There you are, have you been out all night?" asked Tifa, who was rubbing a 
rag on the knot on his head.

"Ugh, what fucking happened?  Where the fuck am I?" questioned Cid.

"You're outside the hotel at the Gold Saucer," answered Cloud.  "Vincent 
said you never returned, so we went out looking for you."

"That's right, I went out, to that fucking house, and she was there!" Cid 
pointed at Aeris. "I saw her with my own eyes, she was at a fucking whore 
house, like I've said all along!"

Aeris turned away, trying to hide her embarrassment at being found out.

"Yeah sure she was, Cid," said Barret holding up the nearby bottle of 
Scotch, which was empty.

"It's true I tell you! I was the fucking bitch, she was right there!"

"Ok, Cid, we believe you don't worry," replied Tifa mockingly.

"Yes, why would you ever thing I would do such a thing?" asked Aeris 
innocently.

"There that bitch goes again, trying to be all innocent because she knows 
it'll get suckers like Cloud here."

"Don't worry Cid, we all have some trouble sometime," replied Tifa, helping 
Cid to his feet.

"But.. it's... true..." but Cid knew it was no use, no one would believe him 
still.